munkey

Baby's first haircut

2011-03-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

So Alan and I decided Audrey was beginning to look unkempt

so I sighed and decided I would be brave and take her to get her hair cut

I figure if I am taking a two year old to get her first haircut I want someone who knows what they are doing...

so off to Snippety Crickets

I was SO nervous

my stomach was all swirly and I was so afraid her beautiful curls would be gone

but the hairdresser was all ready for us

she did a great job she put my mind at ease and handed Audrey a toy

she moved quickly and with precision! this lady was a dream come true!

Audrey held still and never cried! It was amazing

The lady was able to carry through the exact look I wanted. I couldn't be more thrilled.

My sweet little Audrey looks adorable

See!

they even gave her a lollypop she was thrilled.

and

curls still intact! thank goodness

NOT Red Velvet cookies

2011-02-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

So I always wondered about Red Velvet cake and other red velvet desserts

Why red? I hate red

Why a whole bottle of food coloring?

Why do most recipes use a cake mix? I'm not that lazy

If I don't want to use food coloring what would i use to still have it taste and look good?

Well today I am having a bad day...

and if you have read any of my blog posts you would know that means it's time to bake

well sometimes it doesn't work out...

being a bad day and all

So I decided to try to make something "Blue" Velvet

(being that I don't like red)

Well FAIL!

let's count all the things that went wrong...

1. the cookies were a little over cooked and look black

I swear they are blue

2. They were overcooked because my oven sucks and I can't read the temperature and I think it is off anyway

3. they taste bad because they were over cooked and because they are ugly

at any rate stick to RED Velvet desserts

Here is the recipe I used follow it but don't use any other color

here are some crappy photos of the process

they look like coal!

I just thought it was important for me to be honest in my blog

and say hey I did not do well at this

this is a good reason why no one does other colors then red

Audrey likes the cookies though

I am done trying today!

Food glorious food

2011-02-07T12:25:00.000-08:00

My life revolves around food...

I love it. a good time for me involves food

I love trying new kinds of foods

or new twists on old favorites

This place is lovely the food is amazing the options are awesome you must go

a day in San Francisco for me usually equals me pleading with my husband to go to Tartine

delicious! no other words than Delicious

They have the best chocolate croissants

their regular croissants and ham croissants are something dreams are made of

I could go on about all the things I've tried there but oh so yummy and oh so space consuming

We then proceeded to my sister in laws house where they were making pasta from scratch and chocolate pudding from scratch

unfortunately I am ungrateful and went to Outback to visit my cousin who was bar tending

we had a fabulous time it was a great day and see all about food

come hang with me and we will eat

Quiet lonely times

2011-02-02T15:10:00.000-08:00

Some days go on without even a thought or very much effort....

Then some days I have to work so hard at trying to keep the day going

Today is one of those days I try and try to keep going

I don't feel like I am doing a very good job of making it through today

nothing seems to help

there seems to be no one to talk to, not for lack of people

just don't want to bother them or I don't want to say anything

Why don't they call?
Why can't I hear their voice?
Why can't I see their face without a photo?
Why don't I dream of them?
Why does it still hurt so much if i can't see them, or hear them, or smell them?
I have the best husband on the face of the planet! Arguably the best!
But I feel alone...I feel abandoned...I feel lost...

today I want to call their phone number...not because I hope they will answer
but because I want to hear their voicemail...
I want to hear their voice again...I'm not sure how it would help
too bad I'm sure the number has been recycled and now belongs to someone who is home
someone who can answer the phone...

This post is not meant to make you feel sorry for me...
It is meant to express my inner thoughts that I can't quite seem to express...
(I know that doesn't make sense...maybe it isn't supposed to...)

I miss my mom
I miss my dad
I miss their company
I miss calling them when I was having a hard day...

I think I need a trip to the beach...find me there...

First day of school!!!! 2010

2010-08-25T22:02:00.000-07:00

My babies are back at school! I'm so proud! Sixth grade...last year of elementary school...(cringe) She is growing up so fast. Second grade for the younger. They are back with teachers from 2008 much adored teachers who have moved onto new grade levels. We are thrilled...scared...excited...tired. Honestly who wakes up at seven a.m. Unheard of!

Here are my lovely ladies coming out of their lovely classrooms! Are they excited? Bogged down with too much homework? who knows! Happy new school year! Let's make it fantastic! Go Tigers!

Rewarded for surviving summer and the first day of school and the one hot summer day all summer long!

A lovely dinner among friends

2010-08-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

There is nothing better than a nice dinner between friends at ones favorite restaurant. A new friend moved to the area and we both needed a night out. So I left the kids with my darling, loving, sweet husband and ran to my haven...Raleigh's I love it here. It is in one of my favorites cities...the atmosphere, the ambiance is all I can ask for after a long day. They delivered...

the salad belonged to my dinner companion and the pastrami sandwich with a side of Cajun fries was mine. Delicious. It took all that was in me to not order old reliable...The garden salad but I stayed strong and had a delicious sandwich.

I then forced her to stroll around the campus telling her silly stories she couldn't possibly care about...I am afraid the night wound up being more for me. Sorry dear friend.

Here is a blury pictures of us lovely ladies in front of my beloved Campanile. I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into a lovely evening from last week.

Bacon and Avacado scones or biscuits?

2010-08-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

So I am curious when do scones stop being scones and become biscuits?

I love baking! It makes me happy. See the difference from my earlier post?

Happy me =)

I have The Dutch Baker's Daughter to thank for these

I figured I love scones and I love bacon...wait did you say avacado? I am so there

so I went to the store and got some butter just so I could make these scones

I couldn't be more thrilled...I think they are more biscuits than scones but they are fabulous

The beautiful shade of green the lovely smell of bacon they are a taste sensation!

for this last photo I took it outside because my kitchen is embarrassing and has terrible light see earlier pictures...They have a great flavor none of which is very over powering just fabulous! Thank you for sharing your recipe Dutch Baker's Daughter I love it!

Health Insurance

2010-08-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

What a heated topic for me! GRRRRR It is so infuriating. The insurance I use for my children decides to change their insurance every two years are so forcing me to switch doctors offices and have to redo everything all over again. Why? What good does it do? So I can get to know every single pediatrician in the whole state? I am getting pretty close. I was just telling my beloved husband the other day how much I adore doctors office we currently go to. And how sad I would be if I had to change and then the insurance company gave me the finger. I do not appreciate them giving me the finger....OK they didn't really give me the finger but you get the idea. What do I do? All because I have low income medical insurance for the kids we get tossed around gee thanks it's not my kids fault. I don't know what to do I am mad as a wet hen and no one to complain to! So you have to hear it. Sorry.

Well I tried to find a picture of a wet hen to show you how mad I am but I didn't want to steal someone elses picture so I drew one but my scanner refuses to scan! and then I tried to draw one online to post here but I can't so now I am even madder than a wet hen and you get no picture!!!!

P.S. The red ink is to show how mad I am! ;)

Bathroom!!! be made new!

2010-08-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

Quick note I seem to blog in spurts hahaha

First off let me say how embarrassed I am by these photos! Yuck. So the bathroom was a disastor when we got it. Did I make it worse you bet I did. Men hide the DIY channels and the HGTV channels from your wife it will only cost you money!

So first off these pictures do not show the awful wallpaper that me and my daughters tore off the wall. We solicited help from other friends too thanks MK and Georgia

My father in law works as a bus driver so he had a few weeks off during the summer and decided to help redo the bathroom. He is VERY handy and likes to do stuff like this.

So he took us to home depot to pick out some tiles...we liked the nice earth tone ones so here we are.

He came over every day and demolished the old bathroom.

It was awesome he used a chain saw at one point a crowbar that is almost as tall as me and other fun things.

We had fun surprises like no insulation....everything was nailed in...the tub tiles were on top of two pieces of sheetrock and cemented and nailed into the wall!!! These were heavy and annoying to get down. But he prevailed. I was on clean up so as not to mess anything up!

Anyway we got everything out and began to start over. He put in insulation and then covered the holes then he started putting in the tiles and the pretty glass tiles us girls wanted from the DIY and HGTV channels...and then he put the floor down and we shopped for a toilet

we didn't get either of these! Thanks for your help Audrey!

Anyway here are the new pictures!

Thank you so much my dear father in law! But now the rest of my house looks lame...and this is the girls bathroom....bummer

summer of nuptuals

2010-08-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

Wedding number 1 my dear friend Cindy from home group

the whole family was invited to this wedding...

which was in Southern California. So we also visited some of my family

my mothers oldest sister and her kids and their spouses!

A very beautiful wedding very centered on God and there were boba drinks at the reception YUM

wedding number 2 is a friend I went to high school with

(but didn't meet her until my younger brother became great friends with her brother)

Corrine is amazing and loads of fun to be around

the kids stayed behind on this one creating a lovely date night for the hubby and myself

(rare with a toddler)

This wedding was in Gilroy on a golf course

the food was amazing with a chocolate fountain and a funfetti wedding cake

Wedding number 3 was my husbands cousin Jose

Jose's wedding was a favorite for so many reasons...

1. his name is Jose Cheng (my Chinese husbands cousin!!!)

2. the entire wedding was in Spanish. Mr and Mrs Cheng's wedding was in Spanish (which was fun for the people on our side who speak Chinese and English)

3. Mexican food! Always a winner in my book!

This wedding was in the elbow crook of Davis...too hot!

picture taken by Wkwong

The whole family was invited for this one

Don't forget that Jose and Lupita had their chinese banquet too so that was another sort of a wedding for us we counted as half...so far 3 1/2 weddings are you keeping track?

wedding number 4.5

This is technically my best friends sister! We are also great friends with the parents of these two fantastic girls we were very blessed to be included in this beautiful wedding

This wedding was held in Tiburon. There was an amazing view of the Golden Gate bridge behind the couple as they said their vows

This wedding they allowed us to bring our kids

we had a lovely time...see

sorry those were too good to pass up

wedding number 5.5

another friend of mine. we were in the same home group at church

Christine is lovely in so many ways

Hubby and I went without the kids to Shingle springs (yeah I don't know where it is either)

It was at a beautiful Vinyard

They were married by a friend of theirs who looks an awful lot like Chris Eigeman

it was a beautiful ceremony with an awesome reception

they had a breakfast buffet that was dream like! The chcoclate croissants I am still dreaming of!

Instead of a wedding cake they had ice cream sundaes that you could build in your own way! It was sooo good!

It also had the sweetest father daughter dance I have ever seen as her dad sweetly cried and kissed his beautiful daughter throughout the whole song the poor pregnant photographer didn't stand a chance!

So to recap we had a lovely lovely time thank you to all you who shared your blessed wedding day with us we wish you a wonderful happy life together!

Naan

2010-08-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

Delicious

I love naan. That delicious seemingly flat bread

It had long been reserved for when I went out for Indian food...

Until one day my sweet loving husband made me some curry

he made green curry which made me think if he can make curry I can make naan....

now I realize that Naan is Indian (seemingly) flat bread not Thai bread....

but I believe all curries should be created equally and eaten with rice and naan

so I took out the husbands book Artisan bread and made the dough

I was too late for the first batch of curry so we went to buy more curry ingredients

we came back with red curry it was hot delicious and perfect for my naan needs

I went authentic and stopped by my neighborhood Indian grocery and bought a jar of Ghee for that extra special delicious naan flavor

I made my yummy naan and everyone ate it the kids without any curry

I was so proud of me for making my own naan...it was easy and I highly recommend it!

here is proof pieces missing by eager munchkins around the house.

Quiet time

2010-07-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

I am having one of those incredibly rare moments in the life of a full time mom...
the baby is asleep, the cat is asleep, the older two are happily, quietly playing in their room
This is so rare I'm not sure what to do with myself.
I am first of all on an actual computer not my phone reaching out to the outside world and listening to what I want to listen to not radio Disney. (no offense radio Disney nothing but love for you but some days we need a little John Mayer or a little Norah Jones.)
I try hard not to play those artists in front of the kids so they can be my artists. I let them listen to Glee and they sing it so much I can't stand to listen to it. So Mr. Mayer take me away to the land of happy. To the land of playing the guitar that is leaning against the dresser collecting dust.
If I could actually get this serenity more often I would...what? Do laundry? Vacuum? Bake? I did most of that already even though I could use to do some more. I would love to learn to play the guitar. Do you know how to play? (I warned you in the title of this blog that my brain is messy) I want to be able to sit and strum some silly songs.... troubadourish I think. Sing about grass between my toes for my own amusement. But alas I have no clue...I can't get my fingers to reach or push hard enough.
If I could find this serenity time on a regular basis I would....do some exercise....I do love it so but I just can't figure out how to squeeze it in with three kids. The older ones wont walk with me very far and they laugh when I do videos...(I'm sensitive so no laughing to my face) and the baby jumps on me when I try to do crunches...not very helpful. I love food and I like to watch tv about food. I am told that Adam Richmond runs five miles a day to stay in shape from his over indulging TV show. I hate to run but if it will work I better find a way to do it.
I have come up with nothing to do with this time. I think I will surf the web for Halloween costumes I need a hat for my costume and the babies costume...yup nothing is getting accomplished in this time of serenity. Sing to me Mr. Mayer!

Click, click

2010-07-12T04:34:00.000-07:00

Silly summer schedule...my sleep schedule is all messed up...granted I haven't been feeling well so I have squeezed in naps, but now here I lay frustrated as can be because sleep refuses to come. My ten year old occasionally has this problem she is usually reduced to tears when we tell her to relax and close her eyes sleep will come. But man it is four o'clock in the morning and sleep is refusing to come. I'm tired...I would rub my eyes if they didn't hurt so much from this silly sinus infection. So here I am thinking, listening, not sleeping. What am I thinking? Hmmm well how I can squeeze in exercise to a day filled with three kids who thus far have been against every attempt for me to exercise. How I could talk myself into running five miles a day when I hate running to the car. I think Shyam I still awake? Everyone else is sleeping. Why not me? What did I do wrong? I've tried surfing the web and listeningto music...but everything I look at is dumb and every song is annoying. It sounds to me like I need to go to sleep ...oh botherwhy won't sleep come?

Thanks for letting me rant...I'm tired and hope to fall asleep before the kids wake up. I hope you slept well. Good night oh sandman I'm over here.

Summer is here

2010-06-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

Summer is here...

swim classes have commenced...

some of us have moved up to the big pool

which causes anxiety, excitement, and all kinds of wonderful feelings

she is doing wonderful we are very proud

also in summer is dance recitals

Sara had her very first one in which she appeared in two dances

which caused anxiety, excitement, and all kinds of wonderful feelings

She did wonderful we were very proud

Some of us are too little for swim class and dance class so we sit on the side and wave

she does well we are proud of her too

she has feelings of joy, anger, frustration and other mixed feelings

All in all we are dealing with summer and all it has to bring...

so bring it summer we are going just a little stir crazy at home

Summer?

2010-06-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

Summer? Well yes and no I live in CA so summer doesn't come until school starts again weather wise...

But other than that the kids are out of school and on crazy schedules...

one is sick the other is going batty from being indoors and the third is completely confused as to what happened to her regularly scheduled program!

To sleep in? or not to? I am not sure

these are the days I think of when people say I am a good mom

I say what you are crazy my kids are home for the summer and all I want to do is walk for hours and relax...they are not going to talk for hours...they are going to follow me around the house as I clean and mess it all up...they are going to spill their lunch all over the floor I just vacuumed...

they are going to plead for T.V. and snacks refuse to eat dinner and refuse to go to bed...

so I will get frustrated and want to cry because I didn't get my miles of walking or my exercise i need/want and get mad that as fast as I clean it gets messy....

It sounds like I have trouble with being selfish....any ideas on how to get what I need exercise and what they need? How can I compromise?

Guess I will go do laundry while they spill on the clothes they are wearing...it's going to be a looooooooooong summer with this attitude....stay tuned I might have a good day...

Summer!

Happy Birthday....to another love bug

2010-06-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

My beloved has had a birthday...and with my sparse blogging birthdays tend to bring me out for a post or two....so here is a birthday blog....

My beloved has aged another year this might be his best yet. I have had the privilege of celebrating his last 15 or so birthdays with him. He is so dreamy...sigh....

I want to say thank you to him for these lovely parties we get to have

We usually BBQ...which leads to lovely food and sunshine and just a lovely time had by all

This year was no exception good food good friends good fun!

Alan I am so amazed and in awe of your greatness! Here is to another great year together may this year surpass all your hopes and dreams! I love you

Amazing 11 years

2010-06-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

The most wonderful man in the world! 11 years ago (and 11 days ago sorry for the tardy post)

My husband and I said I do to whatever lies ahead. I do to three children, I do to bad choices financially, I do to fat tummy's, to wrinkles to more love to more happiness with each passing day. We have made it 11 years and I adore my sweet husband more than I did that day...which is unfathomable! He is so amazing and supportive. He continues to make me laugh and smile and get weak in the knees with a simple wink. Oh Alan how I love you!

The hubby and I love food! We love to go out and eat it hey we are willing to stay home and make it but this day (was) special. So Alan made reservations at Etoile in Yountville CA. It was amazing and delicious and romantic and all I dreamed it would be.

Here are some of the lovely dishes that I chose from the tasting menu. We had a lovely time. 11 years doesn't seem long but when I think of all we have done in those years or see how our children have grown I see it is a substantial amount of time to be proud of.

Progression of us...Alan I love and adore you more than I can convey! Thank you for a wonderful 11 years see you for many many more!

Scones my vice

2010-04-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

Strawberry scones

I love scones and I enjoy making them. My favorite place that makes scones is Panera

I try making scones at home in the hopes to being anywhere close to Panera's scones.

I found the recipe I used here. I didn't have light cream so I used whole milk. I am also horrible about measuring the fruit I put into my scones because I like lots. I really enjoyed this recipe it is simple and delicious. I might try to figure out how to integrate Nutella into the recipe...for now i just spread it on top.

When I am sad, lonely, angry, or just plain feeling invisible I like to bake.

that might explain the weight issue...

but baking makes me feel happy because the end result is usually good...and the ingredients do what i ask and don't question me...(I guess I have control issues)

And when I bake I like to take pictures to remember the things I baked.

I guess what I'm trying to say is baking is my vice.

Happy Birthday....

2010-04-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

This is my daddy...Today is his birthday...he would be 57 years old

He was so wonderful he was one of my top four guys...holding the spot of number one for a good 15 years...

My daddy was able to love me and be so proud of me no matter what I did

Today is a happy day but my heart aches as this would have been his 57th birthday

but we are celebrating this birthday just like the last two without him...it doesn't get easier...it just doesn't

Daddy...there are some things I want to tell you....

I still suck at not wearing my heart on my sleeve...I'm still hurt you left me after I pleaded with you not to...I miss you so much that it still really hurts...I am trying hard to be a good mommy to your granddaughters, all three, I had one more you would love her

Thank you for watching over me. I love you and I miss you. Happy birthday. Bless my brothers today as we think of you and try to celebrate the day you were born...the best gift.

I love you daddy

more photos of what i see

2010-04-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

17/365

18/365

tulips make me miss you

I can't count this one because it was from my phone and i had decided that was cheating...but i forgot my camera at home but this is what i saw

finding my daily photos

2010-04-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

6/365

7/365

8/365

9/365 (sorry its blurry)

10/365

11/365

12/365

13/365

14/365

15/365

16/365

is this for real?

2010-03-15T12:08:00.000-07:00

So all this time I have this blog and intend to write in it...I write it in more than I actually publish it. When I blog I want to be able to use it to express myself. I am not sure who that is so sometimes it is hard. The parts I do see and think about often I am not really a fan so I don't want to share those. But I don't want to continue with those things either...and how will I know how to change them if they hide in the dark haunting parts of my brain? But also (unfortunately) I care a lot about what you think...and I don't want you to think of me how I think of me...I really need someone to like me. Some things about me are good...but I don't want to come off conceited and scare you away either...

I love reading blogs. My favorites have pictures. Personal thought out pictures...not some tabloid thing of a celebrity being scandalous doing the same things we do just getting caught...I love even more than picture blogs is the person being real and open and willing to express themselves and knowing how. I don't know if these blogs I read are all of them scribbled out on the page or just pieces. I like the pieces idea...kind of like a big beautiful puzzle with all the pieces waiting to be put together. This piece has a ugly dirty orange on it...but added to the whole puzzle it is the dark side of a beautiful flower or a beautiful hat on a sweet little girl.

I guess my idea is to try to be the blog I want to be...to try to workout those ugly parts of the puzzle so when they are all together it makes a beautiful me. This seems easy to explain and it sounds nice...but I know for me it will be very very hard to not delete everything I write. If you are reading this I guess I am one step closer. Please forgive my grammar and spelling I am hoping through writing on here I will get better. But also I can not go back and reread it to check because I will delete it every time.

I will continue to add my 365 pictures but also I think my plan is to just add them and then try to write whatever is needed not necessarily pertaining to the pictures. Bare with me and to the three people who have encouraged me to be more real and to give it a try thank you...maybe someday I will be brave enough to thank you in person!

slow 365

2010-03-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

So my internet has been down so I have been unable to post any of my 365 pictures...which I started to become lax so early in the game on taking pictures. I take pictures but not the kind I wanted to be taking for this project...I shall have to try harder...

Here is picture 3/365...I love to bake...and this is probably something I already knew about me...but maybe you didn't!
4/365 This is my sweet girl unwilling to let go and hang up side down...it works better than I thought it would. Remember when I said hopefully the pictures would help me find out more about me...well I wont let go either...no matter how many times someone assures me it is ok and they will catch me.
5/365 here is another of my sweet babies. She is so small and so sweet. I see in this picture that I am able to do something good.

My dear sweet Sara

2010-03-04T22:32:00.001-08:00

So what seems like so long ago I gave birth to a second beautiful and perfect girl. This one is perfect and beautifully different from the first. Sara has turned seven. She seems so much older than seven so when she does something a seven year old would do I am befuddled until I remember she is only seven. She is my strong rock. She strokes my hair when I am sad and is always willing to help with everything. She is still beautiful even more than her first day here in my arms. She is very smart and very clever. She always is able to find something funny to say. I am so thankful she is my little girl and that I have a few more years to call her my little girl.

To my sweet Sara...Thank you for all your love and strength. Thank you for taking me to see Wicked on your birthday! Please remember you are beautiful, smart and have one of the best laughs I ever heard and I love you so very much! Have an awesome birthday party this weekend!

day two!!!

2010-03-04T22:20:00.000-08:00

I have done two days in a row!!! I took two pictures for my project. Mind you I take lots of other pictures but I think with each picture I take I will be showing off a piece of myself. So here goes

Here is day two....

With this one I went again with a pair of boots and a skirt. I promise it wont be all boots and skirts. That's just silly and I would run out of ideas. So this is a skirt I bought at a thrift store and am working up the courage to wear it out a second time...The boots are also from a thrift store but alas are borrowed. Bye bye boots! I am not too sure what my thought was...it is an interesting picture I feel...and yes these are my feet!

I promise no boots tomorrow or skirts...

Am I caving?

2010-03-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

I love pictures. A lot. I never took the photography classes in school. I always talk about it but I just haven't done it yet. I love looking at pictures taking pictures and putting them all over the house! My house is beginning to look like a giant scrapbook. I see everyone doing these 365 picture projects and so I was curious would I be able to come up with 365 different pictures? So I started On Wednesday. Why a Wednesday I don't know I just did.
My sweet Sara who is 7 said she would do it with me. She is pretty awesome with the camera so i am excited to see what she will come up with too. I think we will start her blog tomorrow stay tuned.

Here is my first picture...I have had a thing for boots lately and skirts...am I becoming the girl my mother always dreamed of? Maybe but sadly this is not me...it is my beloved seven year old who was willing to pose in the rain in her school uniform.

I hope you enjoy looking at these! You should do it too! I think it will be fun.

Christmas time is here

2009-12-09T16:55:00.001-08:00

Now for Christmas to come some good things come like....

Lights i love Christmas lights,
or Christmas cookies,
or Christmas cards,
or Christmas trees and decorating them....
there are lots of wonderful things....
there are also somethings that make Christmas hard....
the 2000 miles between me and my baby brother....
or my parents being gone...
or other recently departed loved ones
Today I think of you dear Wanda....you were like a grandmother to me...
I am glad you are now free and reunited with your hubby but I ache for the hole you left in my heart. I love you and miss you like crazy!

Birthday party

2009-11-20T23:47:00.000-08:00

What a cliche... time flies...
but boy has it, my baby is almost ten
She changed me in so many wonderful ways
her sweet face that I could stare at for hours and still be in awe
I marvel at her intellect
I love hearing her voice
ten years later and my baby is a beautiful girl!
Hannah Jane I adore you with all my heart
and I would do it all over again if it meant we could be together forever!

Happy birthday gorgeous!
well just 6 more days

baby brother

2009-11-19T12:49:00.000-08:00

me and my best friend
he is always there for me
he is good for hugs for laughs for tears

he has been with me since i was three and never left my side....
he is working hard at school 2000 miles away and I want him to know I miss him and I am SOOOO proud of him!

I miss you Zach! I am proud of you keep up the good work and see you in a few days!

hard day...yet i say thanks

2009-10-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom....Thank you

for loving my dad and being a good example so i can love my husband and father of my children

for giving me a wonderful big brother who loves me and takes good care of me while you are gone
thank you for a little brother who can always make me laugh and be my friend thank you for a raising us all so well to try to survive these years without you

I have so much more to thank you for but today these top my list. Thank you for not staying and living in pain for longer than you have to. I love you so much and will always cherish my memories of you. Thank you for teaching me to not be selfish and to rejoice in your ultimate freedom.

I still miss you like crazy! I love you mom!

a lovely morning

2009-09-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have been searching for a new water bottle...the one I have has served seven great years. I am not sure it is BTA free or not. And with how often I fill and drain that bottle I figured I should get one I know is BTA free. I checked R.E.I last night and was very discouraged. I found out I didn't need to pick up the kindergartner today so Audrey and I walked to the bart station and got off at the Berkeley exit. I get giddy when I am in Berkeley. I suddenly feel excited and happy. I see the campus and immediately start to feel smart or pretend.

Audrey and I trekked up to the ASUC store and began our search. I found this one immediately and knew it was the one. It holds lots of water and shows off my love of all things CAL. It took me awhile to stop shopping and to purchase my water bottle. I saw so many things. If I could have a closet of only CAL clothes I would be satisfied. I sure love my bears and their apparel. Having found what we needed we decided to wander just a little bit. We walked by all my favorite food places...and with a empty stomach and a heavy heart we waved goodbye to all 15 of my favorite food places and jumped back on bart. I had a wonderful time and was able to keep that happiness untill a good 4:30 when I had six kids all to myself. Still very pleased I think it is time to refill my new water bottle...his name will be Bob! After our beloved Bob Briggs! GO BEARS clobber those sweet little Gopher's!

Pancakes!!!!

2009-09-15T21:10:00.000-07:00

Yum my favorite. After a long day of watching six kids nothing sounded better than some pancakes! I love homemade pancakes. We use the Alton Brown recipe it never fails. I love them so much!

Clearly I am not the only one! They seem to make everyone happy! I make them smaller because I want to. They are so good you don't need anything to go on them. I eat them plain. The girls do like jelly on theirs.
If you make too many you can eat them for a snack. Pancakes are certainly a comfort food for me. They make me feel calm and happy. I was thinking this evening that pancakes fall into the category of if someone says they are bad and will kill me I will kiss my family and make another batch! Yum! Have you had pancakes for dinner today?

speak no evil

2009-07-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have always been a big mouth. When I was little I just didn't know any better. I had embarrassed my parents many, many, many a times. My mom would tell me later in life some of the appalling things I would say. We laughed when she would look back and tell me but the embarrassment at the time she would explain was awful. I don't know why I never learned to shut my mouth. I always want to say something. I regret opening my mouth a lot. I try real hard to think before I speak but I fail a lot. My husband is very quiet. He could totally be a secret agent and no one would know because he would never say. I want so much to be more like him but not so extreme I suppose.

I digress....I never thought I would completely understand my parents terror of having a chatty daughter until I had two of my own. Maybe my mother wished it upon me or maybe it is karma. I am not sure. When I speak directly to my kids they can not remember but I mention something that was not meant for their ears, assuming they are busy and not listening, but actually they are hanging on every word to tell anyone who will listen later. It has been small things like telling someone our financial situation or going all out to my brothers girlfriend about how she needs to marry my brother.

I am almost 29 and still learning to keep my mouth shut. Some thoughts need to just be thoughts. Especially the ones about the hoser in the car ahead of me who is "slow like my mom but she died". Oh dear that was an awful one to hear quoted back to me. As my new year draws near my birthday wish will be that I can be more mindful of what I say and who is near by.

Summer fun

2009-07-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

So today we were invited by a friend to go to a free movie in Fairfield at the free family film festival. Today's choice was Veggie Tales the Pirates who don't do anything or the Bee movie. We own the Bee movie so we went and saw The pirates who don't do anything. Very enjoyable. I do sure love a Veggie tales movie. Then thwe girls and i grabbed a little bit to eat (the girls a very little bit to eat) at fresh choice. Then we decided it was a perfect day for the jelly belly factory. It is free air conditioned and you get a free bag of jelly belly's at the end. Plus these goofy hats!

We had a great time so did Audrey and she was pretty good about wearing her hat. It is a great time little movies and windows over looking the factory. Pretty cool i think. I really enjoy the pretty colors. They don't allow a lot of photography but I did get these shots! Then we went downstairs to the shop and looked around it is crazy we wanted to get so much stuff. Instead we found this....

I do not remember all of what is in it...I think chocolate chips, almonds, peanuts and lots more. We didn't eat it yet because we want to show dad and they didn't eat their lunch! (I'm hardcore like that) It is a cupcake looking fudge! We had a great time!

funk that

2009-07-08T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today dumped all over me...I say funk that! (I would really like to be able to make a collage of my favorite things and post it but I have not learned how to do that yet. Something to aspire to.) I will be happy instead.
I love conversation. I love to drive with my husband and talk about nothing and everything. I like to sit in the kitchen and converse. I like to talk to my brothers. I like to talk to smart people and old people. I love stories.
I love pictures. I like to try to take nice pictures. I like to try to take pictures of food. I like to bake and take pictures of what I tried to make. I love to look at pictures. I like to make up stories with pictures.
I love to read. I never find time to do it but I love it. I want to know more. I want to be smart.
I love to exercise. I like to put some music on and go to town. I could workout for hours with some good music or good conversation which is hard when you are working out hard ;)
I love my husbands face. I love my kids faces. I could stare at them all day.
I like tea and movies with popcorn. Old movies new movies kid movies. I like to watch foreign movies too. I like to play video games.
I love long walks. Really long ones on pretty days. Or days with fog. I love hooded sweatshirts on foggy days. I love fog! It is just so pretty. I love colorful leaves.

well thank you. I love lots more things but my mood is softening I think I can go rejoin the family. Maybe with some tea and a movie.

a reason to smile

2009-07-07T12:33:00.001-07:00

This is my favorite person in the world. That smile on his face is reserved for me. When he looks at me this is the smile i get. This smile is why I smile. the sweet face next to him is also why I smile.

These two are why there are tears in my smiles. I still smile when I see pictures of them or think of them but there are also tears in those smiles.

This is where i go when i need laughs. good loud belly laughs. When I get sad and can't take it i go to these faces. Smiles that bring good ab firming laughs!

I say thanks to all the things that make me smile but today these are my highlights. and to my highlights i say thank you! =D

Inner demons exposed

2009-07-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have a friend from a few years ago who I instantly adored. I loved everything about her. through the magic of facebook I was able to be reunited with her. She has a blog that I now follow and find it comforting and inspiring. Today I was catching up on my google reader and found a series of posts she had about inner demons. She posted them so she could confront them and then try to change them. This will be hard for me as I hate for anyone to know the real me....here i go anyway....

basically you suck

You are not pretty...even though your husband says you are you are not. No one else thinks you are pretty either. go look in the mirror you will see.

you are a bad mom. your daughter shakes because of nerves and sucks her fingers almost into her teens due to nerves. If she felt loved and adored for who she is she wouldn't need her fingers or her tics.

you are a awful person. you are too clingy. you don't want to be around anyone and you judge everyone afraid because they are judging you. you are too sensitive. But not enough compassionate. you are a awful friend and terrible sister and you were an awful daughter. you are why your dad didn't want to try.

All the time my poor husband has to tell me otherwise and i try so very hard to believe him. but these thoughts are always here haunting me reminding me i am not good enough or worthy of him.

Thank you husband for continuing to help me fight my demons...i will try a little harder to change these thoughts. as i sit here i stare at the publish post sign...i fear that sign...but then again the only one following me is my husband. thanks for your support.

Insurance oh the pains!

2009-01-28T15:44:00.000-08:00

I had to change the insurance provider for my children again! (what is this like the tenth time?) It is so annoying. Most of the time it isn't too bad. Usually we get to keep the doctor our beloved Hilltop Pediatrics! I will miss them so much. After ten years with the same place we were told we could no longer see that doctor. I tried repeatedly to tell them that we are not a new patient to the office but because we are new to the insurance we can't go there anymore. :(

First let me go off and say how wonderful Hilltop Pediatrics is...every doctor in their practice is wonderful! Always a pleasure, always helpful, always caring. The staff is top notch too always took the time to show interest in my children. I highly recommend them all. Good by dear Hilltop Pediatrics!!!

Hello Bayside Pediatrics. Wish us luck.....

Lets bake!

2008-12-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

Tis the season for baking. I love to bake but with two little ones they don't want me to do it alone. So here are my little helpers. We decided to practice some sugar cookies.

We didn't do shapes this time maybe next time

sorry the pictures are blurry i will try harder. I let them decorate them though! I hope you enjoy a glimpse into our kitchen!

Nesting...

2008-12-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

So I am not real big on the blogging thing. I like to read them but I just don't think anyone would be interested in reading anything I have to say. We shall see I guess.

I am almost done with my pregnancy I am waiting for her to decide it is time. I was putting off getting ready due to being overwhelmed and a little frightened. But because sleep is foreign I decided to clean...

here is her little baskets of goodies she will need.

here is her bed she will start out in. My grandfather and father made the cradle by hand for my first girl.

this is the outfit I hope she will come home in. Thank you Nessa and Zach!
(sorry this picture isn't so good I hope you can see the trombone on the onsie)

So there you go! I also washed the carseat and the whole house. She isn't here yet! About 22 more days!