Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Christmas time is here

Now for Christmas to come some good things come like....
Lights i love Christmas lights,
or Christmas cookies,
or Christmas cards,
or Christmas trees and decorating them....
there are lots of wonderful things....
there are also somethings that make Christmas hard....
the 2000 miles between me and my baby brother....
or my parents being gone...
or other recently departed loved ones
Today I think of you dear were like a grandmother to me...
I am glad you are now free and reunited with your hubby but I ache for the hole you left in my heart. I love you and miss you like crazy!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Birthday party

What a cliche... time flies...
but boy has it, my baby is almost ten
She changed me in so many wonderful ways
her sweet face that I could stare at for hours and still be in awe
I marvel at her intellect
I love hearing her voice
ten years later and my baby is a beautiful girl!
Hannah Jane I adore you with all my heart
and I would do it all over again if it meant we could be together forever!

Happy birthday gorgeous!
well just 6 more days

Thursday, November 19, 2009

baby brother

me and my best friend
he is always there for me
he is good for hugs for laughs for tears

he has been with me since i was three and never left my side....
he is working hard at school 2000 miles away and I want him to know I miss him and I am SOOOO proud of him!

I miss you Zach! I am proud of you keep up the good work and see you in a few days!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

hard day...yet i say thanks

Dear Mom....Thank you

for loving my dad and being a good example so i can love my husband and father of my children
for giving me a wonderful big brother who loves me and takes good care of me while you are gone
thank you for a little brother who can always make me laugh and be my friendthank you for a raising us all so well to try to survive these years without you

I have so much more to thank you for but today these top my list. Thank you for not staying and living in pain for longer than you have to. I love you so much and will always cherish my memories of you. Thank you for teaching me to not be selfish and to rejoice in your ultimate freedom.

I still miss you like crazy! I love you mom!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

a lovely morning

I have been searching for a new water bottle...the one I have has served seven great years. I am not sure it is BTA free or not. And with how often I fill and drain that bottle I figured I should get one I know is BTA free. I checked R.E.I last night and was very discouraged. I found out I didn't need to pick up the kindergartner today so Audrey and I walked to the bart station and got off at the Berkeley exit. I get giddy when I am in Berkeley. I suddenly feel excited and happy. I see the campus and immediately start to feel smart or pretend.

Audrey and I trekked up to the ASUC store and began our search. I found this one immediately and knew it was the one. It holds lots of water and shows off my love of all things CAL. It took me awhile to stop shopping and to purchase my water bottle. I saw so many things. If I could have a closet of only CAL clothes I would be satisfied. I sure love my bears and their apparel. Having found what we needed we decided to wander just a little bit. We walked by all my favorite food places...and with a empty stomach and a heavy heart we waved goodbye to all 15 of my favorite food places and jumped back on bart. I had a wonderful time and was able to keep that happiness untill a good 4:30 when I had six kids all to myself. Still very pleased I think it is time to refill my new water bottle...his name will be Bob! After our beloved Bob Briggs! GO BEARS clobber those sweet little Gopher's!


Yum my favorite. After a long day of watching six kids nothing sounded better than some pancakes! I love homemade pancakes. We use the Alton Brown recipe it never fails. I love them so much!

Clearly I am not the only one! They seem to make everyone happy! I make them smaller because I want to. They are so good you don't need anything to go on them. I eat them plain. The girls do like jelly on theirs.
If you make too many you can eat them for a snack. Pancakes are certainly a comfort food for me. They make me feel calm and happy. I was thinking this evening that pancakes fall into the category of if someone says they are bad and will kill me I will kiss my family and make another batch! Yum! Have you had pancakes for dinner today?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

speak no evil

I have always been a big mouth. When I was little I just didn't know any better. I had embarrassed my parents many, many, many a times. My mom would tell me later in life some of the appalling things I would say. We laughed when she would look back and tell me but the embarrassment at the time she would explain was awful. I don't know why I never learned to shut my mouth. I always want to say something. I regret opening my mouth a lot. I try real hard to think before I speak but I fail a lot. My husband is very quiet. He could totally be a secret agent and no one would know because he would never say. I want so much to be more like him but not so extreme I suppose.

I digress....I never thought I would completely understand my parents terror of having a chatty daughter until I had two of my own. Maybe my mother wished it upon me or maybe it is karma. I am not sure. When I speak directly to my kids they can not remember but I mention something that was not meant for their ears, assuming they are busy and not listening, but actually they are hanging on every word to tell anyone who will listen later. It has been small things like telling someone our financial situation or going all out to my brothers girlfriend about how she needs to marry my brother.

I am almost 29 and still learning to keep my mouth shut. Some thoughts need to just be thoughts. Especially the ones about the hoser in the car ahead of me who is "slow like my mom but she died". Oh dear that was an awful one to hear quoted back to me. As my new year draws near my birthday wish will be that I can be more mindful of what I say and who is near by.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Summer fun

So today we were invited by a friend to go to a free movie in Fairfield at the free family film festival. Today's choice was Veggie Tales the Pirates who don't do anything or the Bee movie. We own the Bee movie so we went and saw The pirates who don't do anything. Very enjoyable. I do sure love a Veggie tales movie. Then thwe girls and i grabbed a little bit to eat (the girls a very little bit to eat) at fresh choice. Then we decided it was a perfect day for the jelly belly factory. It is free air conditioned and you get a free bag of jelly belly's at the end. Plus these goofy hats!

We had a great time so did Audrey and she was pretty good about wearing her hat. It is a great time little movies and windows over looking the factory. Pretty cool i think. I really enjoy the pretty colors. They don't allow a lot of photography but I did get these shots! Then we went downstairs to the shop and looked around it is crazy we wanted to get so much stuff. Instead we found this....

I do not remember all of what is in it...I think chocolate chips, almonds, peanuts and lots more. We didn't eat it yet because we want to show dad and they didn't eat their lunch! (I'm hardcore like that) It is a cupcake looking fudge! We had a great time!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

funk that

Today dumped all over me...I say funk that! (I would really like to be able to make a collage of my favorite things and post it but I have not learned how to do that yet. Something to aspire to.) I will be happy instead.
I love conversation. I love to drive with my husband and talk about nothing and everything. I like to sit in the kitchen and converse. I like to talk to my brothers. I like to talk to smart people and old people. I love stories.
I love pictures. I like to try to take nice pictures. I like to try to take pictures of food. I like to bake and take pictures of what I tried to make. I love to look at pictures. I like to make up stories with pictures.
I love to read. I never find time to do it but I love it. I want to know more. I want to be smart.
I love to exercise. I like to put some music on and go to town. I could workout for hours with some good music or good conversation which is hard when you are working out hard ;)
I love my husbands face. I love my kids faces. I could stare at them all day.
I like tea and movies with popcorn. Old movies new movies kid movies. I like to watch foreign movies too. I like to play video games.
I love long walks. Really long ones on pretty days. Or days with fog. I love hooded sweatshirts on foggy days. I love fog! It is just so pretty. I love colorful leaves.

well thank you. I love lots more things but my mood is softening I think I can go rejoin the family. Maybe with some tea and a movie.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

a reason to smile

This is my favorite person in the world. That smile on his face is reserved for me. When he looks at me this is the smile i get. This smile is why I smile. the sweet face next to him is also why I smile.

These two are why there are tears in my smiles. I still smile when I see pictures of them or think of them but there are also tears in those smiles.

This is where i go when i need laughs. good loud belly laughs. When I get sad and can't take it i go to these faces. Smiles that bring good ab firming laughs!

I say thanks to all the things that make me smile but today these are my highlights. and to my highlights i say thank you! =D

Inner demons exposed

I have a friend from a few years ago who I instantly adored. I loved everything about her. through the magic of facebook I was able to be reunited with her. She has a blog that I now follow and find it comforting and inspiring. Today I was catching up on my google reader and found a series of posts she had about inner demons. She posted them so she could confront them and then try to change them. This will be hard for me as I hate for anyone to know the real i go anyway....

basically you suck

You are not pretty...even though your husband says you are you are not. No one else thinks you are pretty either. go look in the mirror you will see.

you are a bad mom. your daughter shakes because of nerves and sucks her fingers almost into her teens due to nerves. If she felt loved and adored for who she is she wouldn't need her fingers or her tics.

you are a awful person. you are too clingy. you don't want to be around anyone and you judge everyone afraid because they are judging you. you are too sensitive. But not enough compassionate. you are a awful friend and terrible sister and you were an awful daughter. you are why your dad didn't want to try.

All the time my poor husband has to tell me otherwise and i try so very hard to believe him. but these thoughts are always here haunting me reminding me i am not good enough or worthy of him.

Thank you husband for continuing to help me fight my demons...i will try a little harder to change these thoughts. as i sit here i stare at the publish post sign...i fear that sign...but then again the only one following me is my husband. thanks for your support.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Insurance oh the pains!

I had to change the insurance provider for my children again! (what is this like the tenth time?) It is so annoying. Most of the time it isn't too bad. Usually we get to keep the doctor our beloved Hilltop Pediatrics! I will miss them so much. After ten years with the same place we were told we could no longer see that doctor. I tried repeatedly to tell them that we are not a new patient to the office but because we are new to the insurance we can't go there anymore. :(

First let me go off and say how wonderful Hilltop Pediatrics is...every doctor in their practice is wonderful! Always a pleasure, always helpful, always caring. The staff is top notch too always took the time to show interest in my children. I highly recommend them all. Good by dear Hilltop Pediatrics!!!

Hello Bayside Pediatrics. Wish us luck.....