speak no evil

I have always been a big mouth. When I was little I just didn't know any better. I had embarrassed my parents many, many, many a times. My mom would tell me later in life some of the appalling things I would say. We laughed when she would look back and tell me but the embarrassment at the time she would explain was awful. I don't know why I never learned to shut my mouth. I always want to say something. I regret opening my mouth a lot. I try real hard to think before I speak but I fail a lot. My husband is very quiet. He could totally be a secret agent and no one would know because he would never say. I want so much to be more like him but not so extreme I suppose.

I digress....I never thought I would completely understand my parents terror of having a chatty daughter until I had two of my own. Maybe my mother wished it upon me or maybe it is karma. I am not sure. When I speak directly to my kids they can not remember but I mention something that was not meant for their ears, assuming they are busy and not listening, but actually they are hanging on every word to tell anyone who will listen later. It has been small things like telling someone our financial situation or going all out to my brothers girlfriend about how she needs to marry my brother.

I am almost 29 and still learning to keep my mouth shut. Some thoughts need to just be thoughts. Especially the ones about the hoser in the car ahead of me who is "slow like my mom but she died". Oh dear that was an awful one to hear quoted back to me. As my new year draws near my birthday wish will be that I can be more mindful of what I say and who is near by.