Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Quiet lonely times

Some days go on without even a thought or very much effort....
Then some days I have to work so hard at trying to keep the day going
Today is one of those days I try and try to keep going
I don't feel like I am doing a very good job of making it through today
nothing seems to help
there seems to be no one to talk to, not for lack of people
just don't want to bother them or I don't want to say anything
Why don't they call?
Why can't I hear their voice?
 Why can't I see their face without a photo?
Why don't I dream of them?
Why does it still hurt so much if i can't see them, or hear them, or smell them?
I have the best husband on the face of the planet! Arguably the best!
But I feel alone...I feel abandoned...I feel lost...

today I want to call their phone number...not because I hope they will answer
but because I want to hear their voicemail...
I want to hear their voice again...I'm not sure how it would help
too bad I'm sure the number has been recycled and now belongs to someone who is home
someone who can answer the phone...

This post is not meant to make you feel sorry for me...
It is meant to express my inner thoughts that I can't quite seem to express...
(I know that doesn't make sense...maybe it isn't supposed to...)

I miss my mom
I miss my dad
I miss their company
I miss calling them when I was having a hard day...
I think I need a trip to the beach...find me there...

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